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I Have Cancer? Whaaat?

Biopsy? Or bad date with vampire??


Interesting timeline of events:
1. Go to ENT because my septum is messed up. ENT pokes at my neck and makes me go get an ultrasound for my thyroid

2. Ultrasound results in ‘go get a biopsy’

3. Bilateral biopsy occurs. It’s really cool to watch the ultrasound monitor and see needles shoved into my neck repeatedly. Seriously! Well, cool until the anesthesia wore off. Owwww Yoga hurt that week!

4. I get a call last Monday from my ENT. I apparently have “Papillary Thyroid Cancer”. Huh? Whut? I have cancer? Whut?

So I do a bunch of research; it’s the “good one to get”. /rolls eyes
But really – I’ll be fine. They will remove my entire thyroid and I just go on replacement meds. No chemo, most likely no radiation. I barely have to miss more than a week or two of work.

I go to an oncologist for a second opinion. Yup, thyroid has to go. I’m Stage 2 (out of 4, so I’m fine). Tumor (TUMOR!?) is 2.4cm. I just thought my neck was lumpy. Now I keep poking my /tumor/ . It’s kinda cool.

This week I meet with a surgeon that specializes in the thyroid removals (apparently a bad removal can mean damaged vocal cords… so I can sound like a woman that has smoked for fifty years… ooo and become a famous blues singer!) and an endoncrinologist.

Honestly, the hardest part was telling my family. Just saying the word ‘cancer’ really freaks people out. There goes my dating life for the next few months. I want a rebrand of the name, since it’s a cancer with like, a 99% success rate. “Oh I have a minor issue called PTC… It’s all good.”

I’m more worried about life without a thyroid. It’s kind of an important gland. ๐Ÿ˜› But it’ll be OK. Just gotta keep riding, walking, being active. Unlike this weekend, where I grubbed around the apartment in pajamas with my Kindle.

The wise ass part of me wants to tell my niece and nephew I got cancer from eating McDonald’s. The thought cracks me up. I have a bad feeling this is just the beginning of a long litany of cancer jokes. Cuz.. you know.. now I HAVE cancer, I can make fun of it, right? hahahahah!!!

Know anyone who has had their thyroid removed? I wish the scar was cooler. “A guy tried to slit my throat; all I got was this scar, all he got was A GRAVE!”

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Filed under Thyroid Cancer